What Once Was Home / It’s Hard to Swallow

It’s over, they say. It’s gone. But
is it really?
I mean, when a burglar leaves a house is his
damage done‽


A burglar may take money and possessions, but the
real pain comes not from the taking, but from the knowing that he can take.

The economy changing may cause short term financial loss, devastation, even, but the real problem is learning to feel whole and secure again afterwards.

It’s learning to let go of the chance of finding a lump and a diagnosis, and learning to enjoy living.

It’s hard to swallow, the pain, the chance, the stakes.

It’s hard to look at those you love and know you might have left them, without thinking that you still could.

It’s looking the devil in the eye every morning and not letting him destroy the life you fought so hard to keep.

It’s hard to swallow, but I’m still
alive, aren’t I?

I swallow.

I swallow.

I swallow.

And one day I won’t have to.

One day the lump will be gone,
and I can get back to this whirlwind life
and remember to live again,
to thrive, not just survive.

It’s hard to swallow, but the
burglar is gone for now, and I am
left with a little less confidence,
and a little more gratitude.
I continue to swallow; because hard isn’t impossible.